Ape Shit

So I was riding my bike over to Pioneer Square yesterday when I rolled up to the intersection of Rainier and Dearborn; I look across the street and spot these two idiots beating the crap out of each other.  They’re high school age, sixteen or seventeen.  I’m there at the red light and my immediate reaction is “oh crap I’ll have to step in.”  But I’m conflicted.  On the one hand why should I risk near certain injury trying to interfere with two morons who are intent on breaking each other’s noses, but on the other hand I can’t just ride by and do nothing as some dickwad stomps another dickwad’s head into the pavement.

So I start figuring a plan – the dummy without a shirt looks like he’s getting the upper hand, I guess I’ll have to go after him.  I figure first I try the yelling thing and if that don’t work I’ll have to bearhug the dingbat, throw him down and sit on his head.  But then I’m thinking what about the friend of my enemy is my enemy and they both go after my ass.  That could be a problem.   The shirtless guy definitely didn’t have a gun, and I figured the guy getting his butt kicked didn’t have a gun either, or else he would have pulled it, but what about a knife.  Do street fighters carry knives anymore?  Did they ever?  Hell I don’t know.  The light turns green and I’m about to go in when I hear the siren of a motorcycle cop – what a relief.

The cop pulls up and says over his speaker “okay boys break it up.”  The two guys ignore him, and keep at it.  It took the cop a good minute to even get off his bike.

Watching a real fist fight between two crazy motherfuckers who grew up fighting and aren’t a bit timid about getting rowdy certainly is educational.  They were full on one hundred percent committed.  Even when the cop got in the middle, the dude who was getting his ass knocked around was back on his feet and trying to get back at it.  Never once have I seen a real fist fight depicted in a movie.  A real fight is a hair grabbing, shirt tearing air swinging free for all, it ain’t no John Wayne bare-knuckle match or some karate dog stuff, it’s just about going total ape shit.

I’m a big believer in evolution: I believe that the most successful human beings – those who passed on their genes - possessed the healthiest tastes and traits.  I think that one of those traits is the need to go ape shit every once in awhile.  You don’t have to get into a fist fight to go ape shit, I think simply putting yourself into an uncomfortable, stressful physical situation accomplishes the same thing.  Despite cars, escalators, elevators and Lay-z-boys we humans are fundamentally physical beings.  If you occasionally don’t get outside and push yourself to your physical and mental limits you aren’t living a healthy life.  We need that stuff.  Well at least I need that stuff.